Friday, April 21, 2006


Going Away Present (or The Blog Worth Waiting For)

(I asked Andrew to post this for me while I was out of town. Oh well. At least he cleaned the house and went shopping for me.)

A girl in my infomercial pole dancing class works for Hustler. She's mentioned helpful beauty secrets she got from Larry Flynt (really helpful) and that one of her co-workers does photography on the side. Last night, she brought in gifts from Hustler.

My thoughts: "Wow, how sweet! Too bad I work at a consulting company. I don't think we have any free stuff like DVDs to share. Oh look, it's got a pink cover and a girl with a lollipop. I wonder if it's a comedy or mockumentary. Wait - it's called Britney Rears 2, I Wanna Get Laid. How funny. I don't watch porn and I don't really want to give it to anyone close to me. What's on the back? Oh, insertion shots and a dribbly girl and more boobies and wangs than you could shake a rubber stick at. How quaint!"

Okay, I'm not a porn person, but I appreciate that she wanted to share gifts with us. It was a kind gesture. It would've been tacky for me to say, "Yuck! We don't watch porn. Give it to someone else." You really put yourself on the line when you give someone porn. Hell, how was I going to regift Britney Rears getting it in the butt?

I'll tell you how. My mom's getting remarried this weekend, which leaves my dad still single. This free porn will be the perfect wedding gift for my dad. Sometimes things really have a way of working out.

NOTE: I gave the porn to my dad with the whole story. He doesn't have a DVD player and he thought it looked pretty nasty, so he gave it to my younger brother to sell on the internet. Oh well.

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