Monday, December 18, 2006

Festivus Miracle #13: Bras & Boobs

(I talk about everything. You shouldn't be surprised by this posting.)

I bought my first bra when I was twelve. I don't think they made training bras back then. I barely had anything to train, but I needed something to smash down my nubs while the rest of the area filled out. I think I found a 28AA or 28A bra, and I had to sew up the cups so the bra looked more normal. By the time I was thirteen, I managed to fill that bra and was able to let out the cups. I was always younger than my classmates, so it was a little embarassing in gym class having a flat chest or nubs when there was always that girl who had perfect C cups at age ten.

At age fifteen, I was a 32B. I was finally moving up the bra heirarchy. The bras were prettier and even came with wires to lift everything up (and there was finally something to lift). I remember getting the same Vassarette bra in turquoise, maroon and black. Of course, in those days there weren't any nude bras -- you'd have to wear a white bra under white t-shirts and that would just make the white stronger in the area the bra covered.

When I was seventeen, my best friend Erin and I would go bra shopping together. We bought the exact same Hanes Her Way white bras, and I think we bought the same size. I started taking the pill and my hormones were raging, so I shouldn't have been so surprised when I graduated to a bigger bra. I remember saying aloud in the dressing room, "Wow! I think I'm too big for this bra. I think I need a C cup." I recall Erin calling me a bitch. I weighed 95 lbs. and I wore a 32C. I've been in this bra size since.

I hate going to Victoria's Secret because they don't carry most bras in a 32C. They always offer to measure me then tell me to try a 34B because it's the "sister size." I always want to say, "Screw you guys. I'm not being demoted a cup size because you can't make bras in the right size." But they usually go get the drawer of bras for me to try on in a stupid 34B or 34C (which I sometimes fill) and I grumble while I try on the stupid bras that are too loose in the band. I wind up settling on a 34C or a 34B (if I want any cleavage).

But this year a miracle happened. I was at Frederick's getting a bra to wear under my Slutty Claus outfit. I needed clear straps. They showed me some lovely lifting bras, and they had lots of colors in 32C. Huzzah! I tried the 32C and it was a bit tight and my boobs heaved. (Now, the padding is just to add extra oomph and doesn't lie on the cup size for boob that's not already there.) What?! The sales girl grabbed a 34B (grumble grumble) and it was too loose in the band. I started laughing and asked for a 32D. (I never thought the day would come. I weigh 105-106 lbs. That's a lot of boob for a size 2.) I tried on the 32D and it fit. I couldn't believe it. I laughed and laughed.

I wound up buying the 32C because I wanted my boobs to heave. The D would've contained everything but there would be far less heaving.

The moral of the story: shop at Fredericks for all your boob needs.

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