Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Getting an Education

I helped host a strippy party Saturday night. I always enjoy working these parties because I help women feel sexy and confident. I also learned a new little trick so I could help teach it to the group. I've noticed that having to teach someone else something I know makes me more skilled with that thing. I have to really break down the way it works and totally understand what I'm talking about so I can convey it to another correctly. My skill level improves just by teaching.

And along that line, I'm choreographing a dance number for my theatre company's upcoming gala. I'm no mistress of tap or jazz or modern dance. No, I'm Strippy McStrip. I can strip, pole dance, lap dance and chair dance. So I'm choreographing a sexy little chair dance. We're auditioning ladies this weekend from the company. This should really make me a better dancer.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Tricksy

I've been focusing on my stripper dancing a lot lately. I'm watching DVDs at home and YouTube to pick up new tricks. I did a little show on Wednesday so I could put my living room pole to use. Last night I did the crunch (which I finally got down a couple weeks ago) and I conquered the monkey! I'll have to post a photo of the monkey when I get a chance. That was the toughest one so far (besides the propeller, which I don't know yet). I'm also much better with the vine dive. I stole a trick from YouTube and named it; a gal did a lockjaw with both legs bent, so I took it and called it the vise.


My goal was to learn ten new tricks this year. I think I have four down and it's the end of February. I need to come up with bigger goals.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

My Valentine


V-Day
Originally uploaded by scrapsflippy.
This year has been very exciting (and expensive) so far. For Valentine's Day, Andrew suggested we make a valentine for one another. I used a picture of Felicity and covered it with colored hearts. He drew this. The outside of the card read "A Valentine's message from the Doodlebug" or something like that.

Andrew is an incredible graphic artist. His comic style is simple yet communicates so much. Piper has a pair of Doodlebug ears and a read heart-shaped nametag tied on. Of course, Piper's tail is a little stubby from the time Holly bit off the tip five years ago. Felicity has the focused (brown) and crazy (blue) eyes, the skinny legs and beefy chest. You can look at this picture and know our dogs.

For more Andrew Moore art, visit www.uptobat.blogspot.com.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Cobra Pride

I didn't get a class ring in high school. When I was a junior, I wanted a gold ring in a style that wasn't available from the official class ring salesperson. I dropped out right before my senior year so I could go to college, then the high school gave me a diploma. Technically, I am both a dropout and a graduate. Funny.

I woke up this morning thinking about how nice it would be to have a high school class ring. I'm older and wiser now, so I could afford to get the style I want (much like my mother's class ring but with mother of pearl instead of onyx). Of course, if I got the ring it would show my age. It's not like I would wear it everywhere. Despite my early departure, I really did like my school. This would give me a chance to show it when appropriate.

Maybe a more timely class ring would be better. I wonder if Jostens can make a ring for an Aprodite Strip-N-Pole graduate? Little pole dancer on one side, stripper shoes on the other? Now THAT is a ring I'd gladly drop $400 to get. And it wouldn't show my age.

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Monday, February 19, 2007

Horror Story

I somehow wind up with the most horrible bathroom stories, like the time I had to stand above a porcelain hole in the ground in the shadow of the Duomo to "make bears" and ran out of the toilet paper I paid for. Or there's the time I went to kung fu class in Plummer Park and discovered that someone used their poop to write on the walls of the bathroom. And let's not forget the gas station bathroom I used Friday where I had to stand since the toilet seat had seen several "golden showers" and I wasn't about to wipe it off, all the while the bathroom lights kept turning on and off because I wasn't moving around enough for the motion sensor. I never set out to collect up these horror stories, but I seem to have a knack for it.

Saturday night I had the second performance of "Dead Beat Poets' Society: Bitter Love" at my theatre. We spent the day before at the nude beach and I was still rehydrating myself so I downed a big bottle of water before the show. After the show, I ran downstairs to empty my bladder before visiting with friends and cleaning up the theatre. Now, this theatre is in the old parish hall of a church and the bathrooms we use on show nights are part of a day care by day. When the kids are there, we can't use those bathrooms. I've been sent to the bathroom below the stage, which also serves as a paper storage closet. I've used this bathroom countless times after my initial protest that there were urinals on the walls because it was the only bathroom I knew we could always use. Someone convinced me that it was okay months ago.

Okay, so I ran down the stairs and walked into the bathroom to find a fellow theatre mate facing a urinal on the back wall. I'm sure he was surprised that I walked in. The rest was a bit of a blur, mostly because I didn't expect to find a unisex bathroom here, but whatever. From what I recall, I apologized for startling him but I really had to pee. I darted into the stall and we exchanged a couple words as my stream began. Somewhere in the middle, he mentioned that it was the boys' bathroom. Gee, I didn't catch the ladies' room on the tour. I was in such shock that I finished peeing and some other words spilled from my mouth. I came out to wash my hands and he was gone. I didn't see anything, but it was really awkward.

Why can't I have stories about finding large wads of unclaimed and unmissed cash everywhere I go? Why do they have to be horror stories in the can?

Friday, February 16, 2007

My Very Own Little Strippy Class

While I was in Hot Springs, I taught a strippy class to my sister and a couple of her friend. I didn't take my camera, so there aren't any photos. They had a little party with Valentine's themed treats. I think they expected it to be less of a workout.

I started out warming them up with some floor stuff they can use in their actual dances. See, the actual lap dance isn't as long as a song, and if you did one style of lap dance for an entire song then a man could get desensitized to the dancing. That's why it's important to have other moves. So I warmed them up slowly, and they moaned and groaned because they used muscles they never think about. Then I showed them how to do the sexy walk without shoes. Then it was lap dance time. They each learned two styles and practiced on each other.

It was tons of fun teaching these girls this stuff. I knew a couple of them from when they were tiny Girl Scouts. I think they're going to start a little strippy group to meet on weekends and practice. I'd love to teach another class when I go back again. It helps me improve my strippy skills when I have to teach them to someone else.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Secret to Men

Men are very simple -- even men would agree with that statement. They require food, entertainment and sex. As examples, pasta falls under food, video games fall under entertainment, and sex falls under sex. You can even find hybrids, like the sextertainment of flashy lingerie and high heels or the foodertainment of Medieval Times. Women can use these buttons to communicate with men and get what they want.

The simplest secret, I've learned, is lip gloss. It draws attention to the mouth (food/entertainment/sex), is sparkly and hypnotic (sextertainment). When I need directions, assistance or a favor, I'll put on lip gloss first. It works almost every time. It's just enough flirt to get a product.

My small sister tested this theory after I told her. She slathered on the lip gloss to get directions at U of A from college boys. She got the waiter to bring our long overdue check just by applying lip gloss. In fact, lip gloss is so effective that some random guy was mesmerized by her and hit on her at the Waffle House in Morrilton right after applying lip gloss. Too bad she didn't use her power to ask for him to pay our tab or just hand over his wallet.

Lip gloss, ladies -- use it and exercise your powers.

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty?

Andrew and I were in the living room last night watching television. That's when it hit me. My casting is not quirky. I may be quirky in life, but I never get called in for quirky. My casting is pretty girl. Maybe it's because I got most of my facial moles removed, or maybe it's because of the longish hair.

It's weird realizing my casting is pretty. I get called in as the pretty dancer, pretty wife, pretty sister, pretty slutty girl, pretty girl next-door who will seek great revenge should you ever wrong her. I never get called in as quirky. And it took me YEARS to figure this out.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Bootleg Alert!

We just downloaded the Fayetteville and part of Memphis shows from my digital recorder. The sound is great from Fayetteville. I haven't listened to Memphis yet. We still have to clean up a little of the external noise and cut it into tracks before we burn it to CD for friends and family. I'll post a link when I have it up on a website for any ol' fool to download. If you know of any good, free software we can use for the cleanup and cutting, you know where to find me.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

One More in the Arsenal

I've been working on perfecting new tricks. This year I decided I wanted to get ten new tricks down. Last month I learned the spinning checkmark (easy) and I worked on the crunch, monkey and barbershop pole. The only one I feel confident performing of those three is the crunch. It looks pretty cool, especially on a spinning pole. I'm still working on the others. At least I've made some pole progress on a goal for the year.

Right now in the master class, we're learning music video choreography and incorporating the pole where we can. It's fun but very challenging, especially when you're a white woman and you don't usually move like that. I like that I'm working on another style because it will give me more potential moves to use when I need them.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Birthday Booty

Last year, my birthday was okay but was followed by a series of unfortunate events. This year, I've started off on the right foot with my monster trip to Arkansas, two John Mayer concerts, news that Write Act will produce Torrid Affaire, and two big bonuses at work.

For my birthday, my boss sneaked around all morning, trying to plan a birthday party for me when I'm usually the person who takes care of parties. My co-workers gave me a cute little party with a cute little chocolate cake. They also gave me a whole lot of chocolate, a Starbucks gift card and an American Express gift card. On top of that, the boss bought me lunch from our favorite local take-out place. That's the most booty I've gotten from work for my birthday.

Then Andrew and I went to drag queen bingo at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood. There was only one drag queen hosting, and the waiters weren't dressed in drag (which is what I expected from the website). The food was good, the bingo was fun and loud. We didn't win anything. Every week they give the admission and auction money to a certain charity. Last night was an AIDS awareness group. They auctioned off $250 worth of lube, and a guy in the back kept shooting his hand in the air every time the price went up. We also got free packets of lube and condoms, courtesy of the charity group. Nice gesture, but I don't think we're going to keep them.

After that, we went to the MAC store and I got more foundation and some powder. This was the first time I was waited on by someone who didn't really want to help me. He was a terrible listener. If he had been just a little more interested in me and what I wanted to buy, he would've sold me the concealer I asked for, a new blush brush and some lip gloss. Next time I'll buy from someone who cares. Frederick's closed before we got there, so I'll have to get something from them later. We also hit Amoeba, the most amazing music store ever, and Andrew bought me the white album on CD. Bootylicious.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"It was you. You broke my heart" - Michael Corleone

Today is my birthday. Tomorrow is my younger brother's. My dad's is next Tuesday, and my tiny nephew's is next Saturday. Know what that means -- other than June is heavy mating season in my family? We had to do a group birthday party before I left Arkansas.

My cute younger brother and I decided we'd put together the party. We hunted around the party store for a theme that would work for all of us. We didn't want to do Mardi Gras or luau or fiesta. No Spongebob or dinosaurs or Bratz. No, we weren't inspired until we passed a bag of horse head finger puppets. My brother started laughing and said they reminded him of The Godfather. I told him we could do a Godfather birthday if he wanted. (As a side note, my tiny nephew loves watching The Godfather.) So that's what we did.

We got a chocolate and strawberry ice cream cake from Dairy Queen because it looked like it had blood trickling down the side. We took red frosting and squeezed it on the top of the cake, then mashed the horse heads into the frosting. We got cheap bowlers (closest we could find to gangster hats), casino paper plates, and buttermints in "money" wrappers. We looked for toy guns at a couple stores but we had no luck. Everyone loved the birthday party.

Sure, our party was a little off-kilter. We made tons of horse jokes for the entire evening. But things like this create the best memories. We'll all be talking about that party for years to come.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Wannabe

"If music be the food of life . . . play on." --Shakespeare

I had an amazing experience that's hard to put into words. At the Memphis show, I was able to get to the guard rail in front of the stage with my camera. I saw John Mayer performing the hell out of "Covered in Rain" and I was moved. You see, he's a very charismatic performer. He loves what he does and it shows. He's so involved with creating the music for the audience that you get wrapped up in the performance. He even gets all sweaty making music.

As I watched, I thought to myself, 'This is the kind of performer I want to be.' I want to get so involved with what I do that I'm just creating my art for the audience. I want to have that spark that makes people want to watch. I love what I do, and I want people to see that. Besides, I get all sweaty when I act, dance, and sing. That's what I love to see in a performer, and I strive to do that myself. I need to work on it with my guitar playing, but I'm sure that will come as my skill and confidence increase.

I also realized that Andrew Moore is this kind of performer. Whether it's puppets, acting or music, he's so charismatic it's hard to watch anyone else on stage with him. Aahh. Andrew Moore.

My Second John Mayer Show of 2007: Old Dog Sees New Tricks

I went to my first concert at age four. It was Journey. It was a family affair with both of my parents, my oldest sister and my older brothers. I fell in love with live music. (No wonder I married a musician.)

I had to take Dad to see John Mayer in Memphis. Dad loves music, and he loaded me up with old albums from my early childhood (and before) when I visited last spring. I wanted him to experience the Eric Clapton of my generation, to have the same joyful experience that Andrew and I get from John Mayer shows.

Our tickets were 16th row on the floor. I didn't have much room to dance around (didn't want to hit the old man's hip and knock him over), but I sang along with all the songs and I bootlegged until the recorder was full. Dad LOVED the show. Seriously, he LOVED it. He talked about how great it was from the moment JM started playing until we said our goodbyes Saturday night. He was still raving when I called him last night to tell him I got home safely. He even read the back of his t-shirt to find out if there was another tour stop in the area so he could take my oldest brother.

John Mayer, you have yet another fan now. It's time we made that trade -- your guitar for my small sister.

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Walking in Memphis . . . Late

Remember ol' "better luck next time"? Yeah, that didn't work out. My dad and I left Hot Springs to make the three hour trip to Memphis at 11:30 Friday morning. Sound check was scheduled for 3:30 PM again, so I had to be in line to go in by then. Dad thought I was nuts leaving that early.

A little over an hour into our trip, we hit a traffic jam on the interstate. A semi truck went off the road at four that morning and was still partially blocking a lane of traffic. Cars and trucks were backed up for several miles. Forty-five minutes passed before we were mobile again.

We reached Memphis at 3:32 PM. Our Mapquest map told us to turn down an exit that wasn't there. I guess they mapped the area before there was road construction. We spent 45 minutes rambling around the city hunting for Fed Ex Forum. (There aren't any signs until you're blocks away from it, and we were too late for me to get in at 3:32 PM anyway.) We would've made it if it wasn't for that damn truck and that damn wrong map.

In Memphis, Dad and I found ourselves wandering down Beale Street. I thought he'd enjoy visiting the home of the blues since so much music is blues-inspired. It was on Beale Street where I learned that my father hates blues. Oops. At least we had a decent barbecue sandwich at B.B. King's.

Monday, February 05, 2007

In Case There's Any Confusion

This is the guitar.

My First John Mayer Show of 2007: Will Trade Small Sister for Guitar

I'm in love. With John Mayer's guitar. It's very pretty and it sounds amazing. That guitar could change my life.

I love my small sister, so the logical conclusion to be drawn is obvious. I would trade my small sister to John Mayer for his guitar. I hollered this out a few times during the show. Maybe he didn't hear me so I just have to blog about it.

Once again (because it deserves repeating), I will trade my small sister to John Mayer for the guitar. And a guitar lesson. And a belly scratch and sandwich for the Doodlebug.

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Fayettenam - Time in the Trenches

Four hours up and four hours down - roughly. Snow fell as I was driving. Kae and I got the notice about the sound check at noon. The deal with the sound check is that Local-83 members had to be in line to go in for the sound check by 3:30 PM. Mapquest promised a 3.5 hour trip, and that doesn't take weather into account. I brushed my teeth and we hopped in the car, hauling ass. We made one stop for the bathroom, food and gas.

We made it to Fayetteville at about 3:40 PM. Mapquest wouldn't print a map to Barn Hill Arena -- it only pulls up directions to Bud Walton Stadium. We circled around the University of Arkansas campus trying to find the venue. No luck. That's when we called Andrew Moore. He navigated from 2000 miles away.

We trekked through snow to Barn Hill only to find we couldn't get in. We were too late. It was 4 PM. Oh well. Better luck next time, right?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Weather Freaks

(No pics until I get back home since Kae doesn't have the same camera hook-up that I do.)

I was waiting to board my plane to Little Rock in the Las Vegas airport yesterday and I overheard people talking about how terrible the weather was in Arkansas. "If we don't get on the road by 3 PM then we're gonna be trapped because of all the black ice." "Well, I heard from my neighbor that they're closing down all the roads throughout the state." "Tomorrow no one will be able to go anywhere because the entire state will be closed." This was too much chaos. I called Andrew and he read me the weather report and it didn't sound that bad.

I had snow hitting my windshield as I drove down from the airport, but it was really nothing. It was cold, but I wasn't getting trapped by all the black ice. It started to snow a little, and all of the local grocery stores and restaurants closed early because of the snow since the roads were supposed to get "real bad." My mom even postponed our dinner date because she was worried about us traveling on the snowy roads.

Well, Pammy gotta eat, so we took the rental car into the city (with the "terrible roads") and hit the grocery store followed by McDonald's. Then, for fun, we took the twisty road back. Not a lick of ice. The locals made it sound like the world was coming to an end.

This is how people behave in L.A. when it rains, except for all the closings.