Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Next Step

I've spent the past several months wanting to take my dance career to the next level, but I wasn't sure what that next level was exactly. It's hard to draw a path to your goals when you don't know what those goals are.

Andrew spent some time talking goals and plans with me after he covered them in his film business class. I spent lots of time thinking about what I want and where I want to be in five years. Frustrating and time consuming, the stress from thinking and planning led to a sense of peace and power. I'm no longer going where the wind takes me. I have doable goals for the next five years, goals that will bring me career success and leave time for the all-important home life.

I've spent my holiday weekend making pasties for my shows in two states in the first two months of 2011. I'm also teaching on my own in January. It's going to be a very good year.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Half of My Heart

I've spent most of my semester dealing with Piper's death. Sure, I go to school and work and dance and socialize, but I'm constantly reminded that my household has three members instead of four. This must be how a breakup feels.

I've changed my life and made some adaptations since she died. One head to smooch before we head out the door. One bowl to fill three times a day. One dog to let under the covers in the middle of the night. We've created new rituals with Felicity, taking her on Sunday morning walks through the neighborhood and making games with her on the living room floor. Pipey got pissed off when we'd make games.

I don't have many of her personal belongings around anymore. Andrew understood why I took down Holly's photos when she died and immediately followed suit with Piper's. We still have her last collar. We also have her old couch that Felicity wouldn't let us jettison after she passed; she hopped on the cushions as Andrew was trying to remove them.

We've been trying to "date," going to adoption events and private homes to look at dogs. The last pup we saw was adorable, but she wasn't Piper. We tried bringing a different pup home, but she was like that person you make out with at a party when you're on the rebound and you immediately regret it. Or at least that's what I'm guessing it's like. I didn't really experience a breakup so I have to rely on other people's tales or love songs for that information.

I don't know how long we're going to have to "date" before we find the one. It's torture. I keep getting my hopes up to get them shot down. I try distracting myself from my seemingly endless grief with more and more activity, and that doesn't always work. I feel like I'm trapped in a breakup song, and not a good one at that.

Guess it's time to check craigslist again for more potential love connections.